I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
