I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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