life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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