I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
