Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
