John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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