its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
