When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
