so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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