Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
