I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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