Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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