I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
