It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize