Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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