You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
