I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my shit smells like andre
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
