Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
