And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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