Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
