I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
