oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
