new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
