She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
