Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
