Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
