if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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