walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
