I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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