so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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