He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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