oh god the rape fog is back!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
