need another drink. this is the easiest way
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
