thus making me awesome and them whores
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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