all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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