is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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