chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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