I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
