just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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