He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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