It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
