ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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