You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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