I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
