she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
