It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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