so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
