Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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