I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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