You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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