A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
