And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
