If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
