I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
