Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
