mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
