All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
