I cannot find my penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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