Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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