That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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