Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
