Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
