Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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