lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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