Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
