I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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