When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
