my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
