He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
