Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I pour the whiskey from now on
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
