i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
