I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
