I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
