Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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