i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
