There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
two words...techno handjob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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