Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
